Thursday, June 5, 2014

Day 5- Justice

Justice



Hey, Justice.

What?

Read my Snapple fact. 

OK.


Bullshit.

What? You don’t think that’s true?

Oh come on, that can’t be true.
 
Why not?

We better start kissing now then, if that’s true. 

I think we kiss a healthy amount; it’s the rest of the world that I think would bring down the average. You don’t believe that the average person will spend 2 weeks of their lifetime kissing?

No way. Think of all the lonely people out there. Think of all the impoverished people out there who have better things to be doing than kissing, like, you know, not dying. 

Yeah, sure, but I mean, is two weeks of kissing really that long?

How many hours in a week? 

168.

So double that…

336.

So 336 hours in a lifetime spent kissing. That is a hell of a lot of kissing, if you figure that a normal, solid kiss only takes a few seconds. I mean, say one kiss equaled like two seconds- like, two Mississippi, kiss over. So that would be like around 30 kisses a minute, which would be 1,800 kisses an hour, so times 336 hours you get 604,800 kisses total. In a lifetime. I mean sure in the courtship phase...

Phase?

...courtship probably racks up a good amount of kisses, but then there are other things instead of kisses too, so that cuts you back. Then honeymoon phase, lots of kisses. But in the normal married life, you get what, like a kiss in the morning, off to work, kiss when you get home, maybe a kiss goodnight? Something like that? And that is not even counting all the people who don't get married. 

You don't have to be married to kiss someone. 

Exactly my point, there is an awful lot of non-marital kissing going on out there. That's just where it gets increasingly complicated. How long do you even think we have kissed for, in one go? 

I don’t know, I haven’t really been timing our make out sessions. 

So, on top of that, how long do you think the average lifetime is?

I don’t know, these days they are pretty long. 

See, those are other things to take into account. Life spans are probably longer even since that Snapple fact was created and put out into circulation. The advances in technology move so fast that that ‘fact’ is probably already obsolete. It says here on the bottle that Snapple was conceived in 1972, so that's 42 years of facts and technological advances. Your iphone is already out of date and you got it like a week ago, so imagine the authenticity of these Snapple facts. There is not even any way of knowing when this particular Snapple fact came into circulation. Well, I'm sure there is a way, but not one I'm even interested in pursuing. 

God, you're cynical. 

Just practical. 

And so you mean Google? You're not interested in Googling when that fact first appeared on a lid?

Not really. Not really worth my time. 

But talking about it now is? 

You bought it up.

Yeah, silly me.

Also, we haven't even taken into account what age you start kissing. Wow, can't believe I almost skipped that one completely.  How much of an average lifetime is even spent kissing? I mean, you are probably not doing any major snogging from the age of 0 through say 14, but some kids are. I don’t really want to think about that. And also, what sort of kisses are we talking here? Kisses on the cheek from parents? Or just normal mouth to mouth make outs? Reciprocal romantic kissing or everyday encounters with loved ones? And furthermore, what country is this data being restricted to? Because if we’re talking about the world, which I think we are due to the use of the word ‘humans’ instead of ‘Americans’ or any other sort of nationality indicator, then you’d have to take into account how many countries in Europe use the cheek-kiss everyday greeting. You get a lot of cross-over in that regard, even some people in America do that. AND some of those countries kiss like double on each cheek, depending on the familiarity of the people involved. I’m just saying, it’s possible that the fact is true, in the way that anything is really possible just about, but it’s highly unlikely that someone had the access to the sheer amount of data it would take to make that Snapple fact truly fact. 

You know what, Justice? 

What? 

I don’t really want to kiss you anymore. 

What?!

So there’s another skew in your statistics. 

Hey, now, let’s be reasonable here…

This seems pretty reasonable to me. See you around. 

... 

Damn.

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