Tuesday, May 4, 2010

In retrospect, this maybe a bit sappy.

I just decided five seconds ago that I want to learn how to play "Have a Little Faith in Me" by John Hiatt on the piano. It has been one of my favorite songs of all time ever since I saw "Benny and Joon" for the first time back in my Johnny Depp phase that all girls went through after seeing the first Pirates of the Caribbean. I took a few things away with me from seeing that movie; a new found love of a young, Charlie Chaplin version of Johnny Depp, a deep desire to find and wear Joon's dress with the writing on it, and a new favorite song. It's such a simple, beautiful, sweet song that I could not help but love it. It does not even have to be necessarily seen as a love song, as most songs are. It can be about a love between friends, family members or just about having faith that the ones we love are making the right decisions in life. Sure, the third to last verse is specifically about loving a girl, but it doesn't matter. Songs mean what you want them to mean. For instance, my favorite Dada song, "Moon," is probably about suicide, but I could put up a quasi-convincing argument that it could be about a loving relationship. I think so anyway.

I just keep listening to this song on repeat, it's wonderful.

I have been lucky enough to never have to ask for my family to have a little faith in me. They always have. My parents have always encouraged my brother and I to do what we love, even if it won't necessarily lead to a well paying job or a job at all. They are putting a lot of faith in me at the moment, faith that going all the way to England to get a Masters degree in Creative Writing will be worth it. Every time I tell people what I'm going across the pond to study and they give me that funny what-are-you-doing-with-your-life-that's-a-waste-of-money look, (you know the one) I just smile and smile and shrug. What can I do? You only live once, and if being in debt for the rest of my life is the price I have to pay for living in England for a year doing what I love best in the world, then so be it.

Speaking of schools, I got a rejection and an acceptance letter in the mail yesterday. Weird that I'm still getting those. The acceptance was from GMU. Yes, I got in again. Even after my year off and my deferment, they still seem to want me, un-waiting-listed and everything. I sent them a cheery thanks but no thanks e-mail the other day telling them that I already accepted a place at Brookes. It's nice to be wanted.

The rejection was from WVU. That one hurts. I can take rejections, I really can, you have to be able to take rejections if you do anything creative. But, being rejected from the place I spent four years and love with all my heart hurt me to the core. I know I shouldn't be hurt at all. I knew lots of MFA students while I was there and heard them read and they were all brilliant writers far beyond my skill level. I'm not surprised I did not get in at all. But something about getting that rejection letter from my alma mater signed by my favorite teacher really kills me.

Mom says I should e-mail my teacher and ask why I did not get in, just out of curiosity. It could very well be because I already told him and all my other teachers that I got into Brookes and am 100% going there, but more likely it's because I'm just not good enough. I think I'll leave it alone. I don't want to seem like a sore loser. I still love WVU now and forever, no matter how many rejections they send my way. Maybe I'll go there for my PhD. HA. That's funny. I crack myself up sometimes.

A special thanks to a dear group of people who have also always had faith in me; my grandparents. ALL OF THEM. I love you guys more than I can say. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me and all you continue to do, I don't know what I would do without you. I promise I'll make something of myself in England, or eventually. I know this seems random and cryptic, but that's ok. Those involved know exactly what I'm talking about. I LOVE YOU <3

Alright, I need to go to a work meeting. It's a beautiful day in the world; I hope everyone gets a chance to enjoy it.

"When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me"



DeeRoo said...

And we always will....have faith in you. xoxo

Tanner said...

It would be very difficult for me to be rejected by my Alma mater, even for the elusive crack at a tenure track. That's without knowing who signed the paper. However, having experienced being the guy cutting down applicants, I'd have jumped at something as easy as "I know person x won't accept," although I may have considered a personalized letter in your case.

I get that so-well described look myself pretty much every day I leave the house (I am, like you, blessed to have support from the family, except maybe Grandma). Some groups or subcultures I admire have derogatory terms like "sheeple" and "droids" to describe the people who give us those looks (abit without the Ayn Rand assumptions about them). Just remember that life is a gift, and it's better to accept it by loving it than using "good advice" to over care for it.

foobella said...

I think a brilliant writer wrote this blog. ;)

Oh, and thanks for the earworm. gah!