Saturday, December 26, 2009

So this is Christmas…

I haven't blogged in a while. What's with that? I've felt uninspired, uninteresting and entirely unremarkable lately which does not equal anything you all want to read about. Things have been happening too. I planned and pulled off a successful Christkindlmarket at work. It was so busy we ran out of fries half way through the day which is really saying something. I've made some new friends at work; always a plus. I got stranded for four days and three nights in Leesburg this past weekend in the blizzard of 09. That was fun. Today is Christmas; I got a DVD about how to tap dance taught by Bonnie Franklin.
However I remain uninspired, which is not a good way to be.

Over the summer there were times when I felt so full of creative energy that I just had to creates something or I would explode. Have you ever felt that way? Like, if you don't do something or make something or sing something or dance around your room or write a story or draw something, that you are going to burst? That led to some ok blogs, since I can't dance, draw, and probably shouldn't sing. I used to hate that feeling, because whatever I came up with to relieve the feeling, it usually did not end up being as great as I thought it should, given my pent up energy.

I don't think I'm explaining this very well. It's like when you get a craving for a certain food and nothing is going to be satisfying until you eat that very specific food. Or when you start thinking of one of your favorite movies, and then you can't stop thinking of it until you just break down and watch it again, or buy it if you don't already own it. That happened to me once back in Morgantown with a movie I had not even seen yet. My roommate Dawn and I were on a Leanardo DiCaprio kick and she started talking about Gangs of New York, a movie I had always wanted to see but never had. It got to the point where if I did not see this movie that very night, I was going to tear my hair out, so Dawn and I went on a mission to find the movie. We literally searched the entire town, looking at every store that had movies, neglecting the one place it was certainly going to be because we thought Best Buy would be too expensive. In the end I had to get it at Best Buy, and it wasn't expensive, and totally worth it. I love that movie. So anyway, that's sort of like that feeling I used to get, except with creative energy instead of movies. Is this normal or does this just happen to me? I would not be surprised if it were the latter, I'm a weirdo sometimes.

The moral of this story (well not moral, point rather) is that I've not felt this way in a long time. It's safe to say I've not felt annoyingly inspired in months, and I'm starting to miss the feeling. November was not bad since I had my Nano story going on, but even by the end of the month I was losing steam. Why is this I wonder? Is it because I just got into school and subconsciously I'm freaking out that I won't be a good enough writer to earn my MA? That's possible. Is work stressing me out? Who knows? What could it be? That feeling I used to hate is the one I wish I could get back. Isn't that always the case?

I need to start thinking of some New Years resolutions. I like making them up but rarely keep them. Last year I made up about 9 I think for 2009, but they were lame things like 'actually watch Top Gun' and 'wear more hats.' I did actually watch Top Gun though, which is nice. Before I used to lie and say 'oh yeah I love Top Gun,' when in reality all I had seen was the volleyball scene. This year I need to make some better ones, which is what I say every year. I think one of them should be to write every day. That's the only way to get better, says the world. I can't argue with the world. Actually, I can, which might be something worth writing about. Anything's worth writing about. Everything's worth writing about. The world is worth writing about.

Maybe it's the winter that's getting me down. Winter never used to get me down, but then again this entire weird year off from school has been full of things that never used to happen.

Goodnight.

~major7th

3 comments:

Tanner said...

I get the feeling. I understand. I hope you get to feeling more inspired.

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Kelsey Austin Threatte said...

one more thing young lady...
you are undoubtedly one of the coolest people on this planet and a personal hero. Inspiration isn't something you can force either, but your heart won't give you a rest for long. Believe me, I've read your stuff it just needs the slightest spark and you've got a raging forest fire that you can't quite put out and later they'll find some scuba diver in a tree due to a crazy accident. Wait, what? I need to get a grip... let me read your stuff!